Guest Colomnists


I’m not kidding! The place you want to be is Picde Bugarach in the French Pyrénées, because in exactly two week’s time extraterrestrials are going to shoot out of the mountain and rescue everyone in the village. People are actually right now sitting on the side of the mountain waiting for a UFO to land and save them. And certain unscrupulous villagers are renting out rooms for £1200 per night!

Nasa has already been bombarded with over 5000 emails from suicidal people, saying they can’t sleep and asking if they should kill themselves, because on 21st December 2018 the rogue planet Nibiru is going to crash into Earth, and that’ll be the end of the human race as we know it. It’s all written down in an ancient Mayan calendar.

Out of those people who aren’t contemplating topping themselves, some are planning parties on the 20th, while others are hoarding supplies.

I’m a little sceptical though. You see it occurs to me that if Nibiru were close enough to crash into Earth in two weeks time, the old stargazers would have spotted it by now. And besides that, how would the Mayans know a UFO would arrive out of a mountain in France in 2018 when they couldn’t even see the Conquistadores Españoles on the horizon?

I think you’ve more chance of being hit by a bus than by a rogue planet, but just in case I’m getting a few extra cases of London Pride in.

Author Karl Wiggins